She was insecure. Never too proud of herself. She was worthless in her eyes. When everybody else fails to realize, he came. He makes her feel beautiful.
She was afraid of him just pretending about everything, but his voice, his eyes are so assuring. She can’t help but fall into his gaze. Not even caring the fact that he can break her just as many jerks had; and he didn’t.
He whispered the question once upon a time. Childish. Because they were. They were children fresh of puberty when he asked her out.
Now everything’s different. He is gone. And she is alone and cold sitting, staring emptily into the wall in front of her. Yes, she promised to forget, but the memories fail to fade. Maybe if she stares into emptiness long enough, she’ll forget. She will. She will.
But not now. However hard she tries, she can’t.
He was the reason she is how she is. Outspoken honest child. He made her shine.
It takes her back to their conversation years back when they attended a wedding.
“Ah… I wonder how it would be like when we…” she stopped. Right, like he wants to marry you, her heart snubbed. She fell silent.
“After all this time you’re still this insecure? C’mon Pril. Of course one day we’ll be the one being the center of attention. Then we’d be right next to each other between our parents. Then you’d be complaining about how tight your dress is and I’ll be going on and on about the horribly hot suit. Then we’d go to our home together. Right then I’ll realize that you’re my wife.”
And she smiled. Keeping his promise I her heart.
Even after his silly little act of breaking up with her, she still had hope. Broken and beaten up hope, but there was still hope. But now, he’s not here to keep his promise. He’s not anywhere. His body is in a casket, but his big mouthed, big hearted self is gone.
She still smiled. The same smile she gave to him after that promise. She smiled at the wall as if the wall can bring him back to her. Just to keep his promise.
He broke his promise.
And everything was still.
She went mad.
Screams filled the room with sobs in between.
Punches shook the room.
Catching breaths once in a while.
She was red and wet with tears. It brings her back to her last tantrum. She had gone mad from all the pressure. She broke free in her own apartment. Then he came. He calmed her. He held her in his arms. All red and messed up, he held her and she fell asleep in his arms out of exhaustion.
The thought of him shook her up even more. She punched and tear everything around her.
“Sorry,” a voice said in her heart.
“Sorry,” he said inside her heart.
“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.”
All this fit is no good.
Forget him. Forget him. Forget him.
If he couldn’t keep his promise, “at least I’ll try to keep mine,” she said.
tam here, adios